Hello. I am Mary. Welcome to my Blog. (not journal) If you don't like what I have to say, then leave. I'm sorry if I offend you, I write a lot of this shit when I'm mad... So I prolly dont REALLY mean it. I say what I mean. I say what I don't mean. I'm not always nice. I'm human.

I always wear my bracelett from Las Vegas.
I'm obsessed with my dog. <333
I care about you more than you think.
Everyone hates my ringtone because it's always going off.
But I love it.

I love my backpack more than anything <3
I stay up all night and wake sometime during the afternoon.
I get bored easy....VERY EASY
I go through guys like seasons because generally speaking- they can't entertain me long enough.
I do not wanna be tied down just yet.
I know a lot of random facts...and how to do a lot of random things.
I crip walk.
I am very good at teaching people how to do "stuff" ;)
I'm shy.
I HATE eskimo boots with a fiery passion.
It's impossible for a guy to threaten me with mentioning another girl.
Sorry, I just don't care.

I think, a lot.
I paint, I draw.

I have no secrets.
Okay, maybe a few. ;)

I have a knack for getting Pink Eye.
I snowboard.
I dance.
I'm very open minded.
I love sex.

I'm very blunt & Brutally honest. Some people can't handle that...
But if you appreciate the truth. You'll appreciate me. :)

I hate when people can't spell...like, at all.

I will do just about anything if it makes someone I care about laugh.

I don't like boys.
Don't tell me you know more about Tupac or Biggie than me.
Because you don't and I'll just make you look stupid in front of everyone.
I'm finally leaving Buffalo.


I really DON'T CARE what you think if you don't know me well... or if I don't like you.

Chances are you think you know...But you don't.

I'm fiesty.
I'm badass.
Don't fuck with me or people I care about.
I will make you pay for it if you do.
I smile...a lot.
I throw up gang signs.
I'm a G. ;)
I shop like it's my job.
I'll prolly lie to you if you ask me how many people I've slept with.



Yes, I drink.
Yes, I smoke.
Fuck you, Judge me.

I have a lot of health problems.
But I don't care.
I overthink everything...
EVERYTHING.
I believe in second chances.
I'm too hard to define because I'm changing with every day.
My shampoo is SEX
I'm too sensitive...
but I'm working on that.


I don't find manwhores attractive...at all.

I work hard in school.
I party hard.
I won't tell you I care about you unless I mean it.
You'll know if you're a special person to me.
If I hooked up with a guy you like, and you try to give me shit about it.
You might wanna think twice. I'll do it again, just to spite you. ;)
I bartend.
I can manipulate myself into caring about someone.
I can manipulate my memory into almost forgetting everything about someone and detaching any kind of feeling associated with them.

I love the beach.
I love seeing you smile.
I kinda love snuggling.
I bite ;) sorry.
I people watch..LIKe CrAzY.
I'm far from a whore.
I HATE cheese.
If you call me out on something, I might deny it.
I don't like fighting.
I'm curious.
I don't believe in regrets.
I want to change the world as much as possible.
I love snow.
I don't care if you don't.

832- we's rockstars.


If you think I want to fuck you,

Chances are... I don't.


I have amazing/diverse taste in music.
And someone you know prolly has a cd I put together.
I don't care if you play football, or if you drive a nice car or if you have a huge dick.
I've seen it all.

Try to impress me.

I fall hard ;)
Although, I hardly ever fall.
I miss Rob.
I miss "her" too.
My car smells orgasmic.
and it's got the coolest hangy things on the antenna.
I go to UB.
But not for long. :))
I have blue eyes
I have cancer, it sucks. And it's made me grow up really fast.
I don't like telling people the same thing twice. Learn to listen

I show respect for others until they give me a reason not to.
I love to drink juice.








"Yeah, A-town's finest
I'm the top notch glammour chick
Tell me, If I throw it at you baby... can you handle it??"




I'm getting sick of talkin about myself.
Just ask ;)
I'm pretttyyy much an open book, so anything goes. :D

So today, well yesterday now as it would be....considering it's 3am.
But yeah...YESTERDAY I went to the doctors.


The day before I was REALLY REALLY beyond sick, and we wanted to see what the results of my blood test would be. I can't even explain the amount of pain that I was going through that day. I felt like I was dying. I was throwing up non stop from the second I woke up. It got to the point where I had nothing left in my stomach and I was just throwing up my acid. Which would have been fine, I guess....
But remember I have a big gaping cut where part of my throat was cut out....so ummm yeah.. Throwing up....with that...

REALLY FUCKING HURT

Most painful thing in my life, both emotional and physical.

I laid down for a little bit to finally rest, but then my mom said that I had to go get dressed because we were going to the doctors for my blood test. I went upstairs. I got dressed. Then I just started throwing up again. I just sat on my bedroom floor, crying and throwing up into my garbage all at the same time. I thought to myself. "This is so fucked up." My Christmas break and I'm spending it throwing up and crying at the same time because my throat feels like it's going to split open. How nice.

Then I just curled up in a little ball on my floor and stayed there until my mom found me.

So I went for my blood test.
I'm sure I looked like death when I walked in there.

I mean...all the bandages on my neck
my face had no color to it...
I had to lean on my mom to walk...
my hair (in the braids that I often have it in) were just like...falling apart.

In a way it was totally humorous. But I was in too much pain at the time to laugh.

The girl took me in the back room and when she went to go take my blood she looked at my arms and she didn't really know what to do. They are black and blue pretty much all over because of my IV, pain shots, blood tests, and all the other shit they did at the hospital. I mean, they even took blood out of my hand. Which, wtf? hahah, who does that???


So yeah, then I came home, felt like dying even more...and went to bed. I took a couple of Hydros, so then I felt okay, and I ended up just talking to Steven until it was morning. He went to bed, but then it was time for me to get dressed again to see Dr. Lee.

Got to Dr. Lee's office...explained to him that my stomach is in pain and that I think it's from the calcium pills I've been taking....


[[[[ I have to take the calcium pills because they took out the part of my throat that regulates all kinds of things, hormones etc. and one of these things being calcium. If I was to go without it, there would be deadly consequences. Like I'd die from cardiac arrest. But yeah, so I was taking 20 pills a day for it because that's what everyone takes when they are first out of surgery...then afterwards when the blood test comes in telling what your levels of calcium are, the doctor can decide if you should be taking less or more]]]]


So yeah, I told him I thought it was the calcium pills that were making me sick and he said that is very unlikely and it's never happened before. All i can think to myself is "yeah, um...according to statistics that stupid cyst wasn't even supposed to BE cancer."

I'm such a bitch now. haha. Because I totally can't find any validity in statistics or case studies.

But anyways, then he came over and pushed on my stomach where I told him it hurt.

I was like OMG WTF @$@#$#@$@#$ THAT HURTS

lol, but I didn't say anything. i just sat there. Damn, it really did hurt though.

Crazy Asian.

So normally at this point he would see my calcium levels from the blood test and tell me how things looked- but for whatever reason the results weren't in yet, and he told us to call back at noon. Then we scheduled a bunch of other appointments I'm going to have, and we scheduled my radiation therapy--((that's intense shit, but I'll talk about it some other time))

After that...he like went to go take the bandages off.

I'm like "what are you doing??"

-"Well, you don't want to keep these on forever do you?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to see it."



But the crazy lil guy took them off anyways. Then he went to get a mirror to show me. I really didn't want to see it. I looked anyways though after everyone else's reaction was so impressed. It's okay. I mean, its still a scar. But I'd have to say, he DID do a good job. It looks good now, so I can only imagine what it's going to look like once it's healed. I knew the lil Asian dude would do good. I mean shit. Lol, you should have seen ALL the steri strips he had on there. They call him the Thyroid King. Lmao, plus he liked me, so I knew I couldn't be too terribly off.

Nice to have my assumptions confirmed though.

After the doctors we all decided to go out to lunch.

UM...did I mention my new diet Dr. Lee put me on.

WoaH. It SuCks HarDDD @#$@#$

Basically:
(This is what I can't eat....)

-No salt of any kind
-No dairy of any kind
-No rice
-No foods with food coloring dyes of any kind
-No meat that has been frozen at any point in time


And like a bunch of other picky food items I'm not allowed to have. It sucks.

So yeah, we were at lunch and we had the list of foods, (kind of taking a long time to figure things out because it was my first meal on the new plan) and our waitress came over to get our drinks, then came back for our order. At one point my aunt apologized for us taking so long, in her typical, blunt fashion: "Sorry we are taking so long, my niece just had cancer surgery and they have her on a strict diet."

I'm like, wow, let's see how she responds to that cheery comment.

But honestly, I couldn't have been more surprised. She just stood there...Looked at me and then said "how old are you?" I told her and then she nodded her head, "Right before my 20th birthday I was diagnosed with 3rd stage malignant melanoma." She turned to the side and showed us part of her scar. Most of her cancer was like, under her hair though- that's why it took it to reach stage 3 for them to find it. I mean wow, that's like a life threatening type of cancer.

But she was so beautiful.
I mean she was a very good looking young girl to begin with.
But she wore her scar like it was a badge of honor, and that was just so inspiring to me.
She explained how she had gone to Roswell but hadn't been able to finish her chemo because her body couldn't take it very well. Like dropping something like 60lbs in 3weeks.

She came back a little later with a piece of paper and turned to me, "I know you probably have a lot of people that you can talk to right now, but sometimes it really helps talking to someone that has gone through it. I put my cell, email and address on there so if you ever need to reach me, I'm here for you."

Like, Damn.

Why does this have to happen to someone like her??

She's the most beautiful girl I've seen in my life. Not just because she's good looking. But damn, one of the most sincere and kindest people ever. She just really touched me in ways I can't explain. It's like it was meant to happen. I was meant to go there for lunch, and of all the waitresses, I was meant to meet her.

I really needed that after the long week I'd had.

She just helped me so much.

Then when we went to leave I said goodbye to her and thanks. She gave me a hug and told me that she had something for me. "I always keep this in my purse with me, I want you to have it."

Again, Damn.

I haven't really ever felt that amount of overwhelming emotion for someone I didn't even know in forever. Like I don't think I've ever felt like someone cared about me to the degree that she did.....and she didn't even know me.

I know I won't forget her for as long as I live.


After lunch we went to the pharmacy...filled some prescriptions. I fell asleep on the way home but I remember my mom saying something like "Mary, you don't have to take those pills anymore. The doctor's just called with your blood results and you were OVERDOSING on calcium!!! That's why you were so sick!!"

Well no shit guys.
I tried telling you that.

But whatever. i'm just glad everything is figured out now.

I still have stomach pain, but nothing even NEAR what I had before. So I'm happy. :)


Then I came home, got into a tshirt and shorts, climbed into bed and passsseeddd outttt. Lol, god...I was beattt.
Tyler woke me up. Funny. He still talks about us having sex all the time, but like...then he wants to be friends. Hahah, that guy is so fucked up in the head. I find it amusing almost. He keeps telling me that it would be the best sex I've ever had, doubtfully, I respond with "I guess we'll see". Like shit. Stop fucking talking about it. That means nothing to me. I'm not just going to believe it because you say it. I'll believe it when I feel it for myself.

But honestly, not too sure I want to do that either.
and if I did...it would purely be because I'm curious to see if he's full of shit or not.

Then it was time for me to go to court for my speeding ticket. It was like 80 in a 55 or a 45 maybe??

Got to court...
they reduced it to a parking ticket. The guy is like "I don't normally do this..."
So yay...NO SCHOOL!!!

Then I got in the courtroom, and when the judge called me up, he's like "go and say no more."

So ummm YEEEaaahhhhHHHH BITCHezzz

Pretty sure that's the second ticket I've gotten in my life.
And the second ticket that I didn't have to pay anything and just got to walk away.

So I was way happy.

happy
happy
happy

Came home, worked on some stuff..then went to bed.

A txt from Steven woke me up. Like damn...I don't know why,...but whenever I get in any kind of argument with him, all I can think about is having sex with him. I shouldn't say sex. I mean fucking. Like just ripping him to shreds and going crazy. That's bad. I should work on it. Like I need to learn how to focus on the situation and figure things out. But damn, it's so hard. Lol. I think in a way, it almost makes me more mad. Because I pressure myself so hard to be mad at him. Like wow, he really shouldn't have done that....BE MAD. But all I can think about is RIP HIS CLOTHING OFF. Then I'm like WTF MARY, WHY AREN'T YOU MAD. Then I get mad..that all I can think about is sex.

I JUST GET SO MAD....

THAT I CAN'T BE MAD.

Hahah, Crazy. I know.

Just imagine how he feels. Lmao.


Ive been thinking about it, and I think it might have something to do with the fact that he holds his ground and doesn't give into all my stupid shit like most people would.

But it can't be that.

Because I don't just lose a little concentration. I lose all.

haha, Like, to the point where I have to remember why I'm supposed to be mad or why he's mad at me.

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